yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
