Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
