Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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