I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize