take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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