I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
