Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
