My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
