He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The uberlube is also flammable
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
