He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
