Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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