i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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