i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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