Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
