I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
