Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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