You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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