I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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