Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
