My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
