i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Enjoy the penises
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
