i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
