Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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