Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
