Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize