Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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