And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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