When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
