Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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