Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
