I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
