My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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