I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
