I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
