Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
