On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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