It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
