"it" just moved
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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