The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
did you just send me my own nude
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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