I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
