We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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