my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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