it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
