Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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