I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
