Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
