When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
