You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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