Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
