well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
15 Times â€śFlight of the Conchordsâ€ť Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't turn off my feet"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.