Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.