i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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