I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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