It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have already put on my inside pants.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
