i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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