dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
