you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
