You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
