No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
