I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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