God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
