Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
