Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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