Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
