He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
