Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
