he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
