Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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