Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
