And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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