is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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