I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
