We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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