Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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