Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
