i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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