I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
