it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
