Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
