Im at strip club and am horny
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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