i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
