Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
