3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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